Flattened Ears

My PC died recently and I've been struggling to fill the DOOM void in my life ever since. I have a Chromebook now, which can run DOSbox and therefore DOOM, but it's far from an ideal way to play. The Chromebook version of DOSbox doesn't seem to support mouse input, and the machine is so underpowered that I get pretty awful performance. In desperation, I bought the Switch versions of DOOM and DOOM II, for a total of 3 dollars. DOOM on a gamepad is not an ideal experience. The Switch port at least runs better than the DOS version on my Chromebook, but aiming with an analog stick doesn't feel great when you can't aim up or down, and more importantly, the speed of this game's movement is just way too fast for an analog stick to keep up with. It's one thing when you have a mouse that you can use to turn as fast as you want, but when there's a specific speed at which you turn, it's impossible to find one that's fast enough to keep up with the movem...

This here's a classic level, and one featuring more nukage than the supposed "Nuclear Plant." As soon as you open the first door, you're greeted with on the most iconic rooms in the entire WAD; a raised walkway bordering a big ol' pool of corrosive sludge, teeming to the brim with pinkies, shotgunners, and zombiemen. Toxin Refinery is a great example of what most people think of when they think DOOM; On Ultraviolence (and especially UV-fast) you really start getting put through your paces here, with crowds of hitscanners that start out across the room while you're stuck dealing with the up-close melee monsters, plus a smattering of imps to harass you as well. It's on this stage where you really start to learn how terrifying pinkies can be when playing with -fast, they'll get right up in your face and stay there in a way that you just really don't have to deal with at normal speed, and of course shotgunners will almost instantly deal damage on sigh...

Despite the name there's not really a massive amount of nukage in this level, the wavy green texture only cropping up surrounding a switch that opens a secret, under a walkway in a room toward the end of the level, and in a small pool around another secret, which disappears when you hit a switch. What it does have, though, it two new weapons to be nabbed by eagle-eyed players; first, find a pretty well-telegraphed secret door (it's got a different texture than the surrounding wall) to open up a window and grab the chaingun from outside. Later in the level, shoot an unmarked section of wall in the dark computer maze to find the chainsaw. These weapons make a fun pair, both functioning as a wait to spit out a near-continuous stream of damage at far and close range, respectively. And you'll want to nab both of them, because this level really lays the low-tier enemies on thick. The shotgun is a great general workhouse for small group of low-to-mid-tier enemies, but when you...

I feel like writing about DOOM, to relax a bit in between bitching at Ayn Rand's work. Let's go through The Ultimate DOOM and DOOM II, and review each level along the way, shall we? In the proper order, of course; DOOM Episodes 1-3, then DOOM II, then Thy Flesh Consumed. No Final DOOM because fuck Final DOOM. Playing on UV -fast. (I feel like Ultraviolence is the best difficulty to review DOOM on because it feels like the most intended way to play, and I want to use the -fast tag because I just recently ran through all these games on Ultraviolence and don't want to get bored. It should be noted that -fast does arguably fuck up the balance in places but whatever, I like it.) Oh, and I'll be using the GZDOOM sourceport with the software renderer, running at 1080p, full mouselook, no graphical bells and whistles. TEXTURE FILTER PLAYERS PLEASE LEAVE. With that out of the way, let's tuck in to one of the greatest games ever made, starting with the shareware: Knee Deep ...